NBA Rankings – January 6, 2013

The Times’ NBA rankings
Oklahoma City remains in the top spot while Clippers edge into Top 3.

Oklahoma City Thunder v Houston Rockets

By Ben Bolch
January 5, 2013, 9:55 p.m.
LIE-FLAT FIRST CLASS
1. OKLAHOMA CITY (25-7) You won’t like them when they’re mad: Thunder 6-1 after losses this season. (1) They still need one more really mean big man.
2. SAN ANTONIO (27-9) These guys are fine despite being old and slow; what’s the Lakers’ excuse? (3) Does the name Mike D’Antoni ring a bell?
3. CLIPPERS (27-8) Having won Battle of L.A. via KO, focus shifts to conference heavyweights. (4) Team enrolled in NBA’s version of AA; one game at a time.
4. MIAMI (22-9) Partying in South Beach on hold until LeBron gets through knee crisis. (2) Hard to replicate last season’s all or nothing atmosphere.
EXIT-ROW AISLE
5. NEW YORK (23-10) Spurs victory quells talk about this becoming Team Dysfunction again. (5) I can never see myself counting on a team that counts on Mr LaLa Anthony.
6. GOLDEN STATE (22-11) Lakers analyst Mychal Thompson will have a team to root for in playoffs. (7) anyone else notice that he’s openly tampering with Klay to be a Laker sooner than later?
7. MEMPHIS (20-10) Rudy Gay leaves fans cheerless with last-second miss against Portland. (6) gay won’t be truly appreciated in Memphis until he’s no longer in Memphis.
8. ATLANTA (20-12) Hawks would prefer to emulate Heat in other ways besides losing to Detroit. (8) is Jermaine Dupri still the team DJ?
BULKHEAD
9. INDIANA (20-14) Like an undead creature missing half its limbs, Pacers keep coming at you. (9) I couldn’t name a single Pacer if my life depended on it and I bet you can’t either.
10. CHICAGO (18-13) Derrick Rose update: He tied his left shoe before his right today. (10) I never knew that was a problem for him.
11. HOUSTON (20-14) All-Star game could have an Asian import if Lin gets nod from fans. (16) All-Star voting process needs to be revamped to give players’ vote more weight.
12. BROOKLYN (19-15) If this keeps up, P.J. Carlesimo could be the interim coach who never left. (13) Maybe he can hire Latrell Sprewell as his __________ coach?
13. DENVER (19-16) Left the Lakers and Clippers a mile-high mess in the span of a week. (12) And yet, at end of season, will be on early vacation as usual.
ECONOMY PLUS
14. MILWAUKEE (16-16) Only 2-8 against the West, Bucks aren’t in favor of realignment. (11) Still in the league – why?
15. MINNESOTA (15-15) The party’s on hold again until everyone’s back. (14) This just gets funnier and funnier every time Kevin Love breaks his hand.
16. UTAH (17-18) Mo Williams’ injury can’t stop him from giving teammates thumbs up. (18) Jazz are one of those teams without a chance in hell of ever winning a championship. E.V.E.R.
17. LAKERS (15-17) Aging team worries about defense, potentially lost Social Security benefits. (17) Mike Brown kicking back in Anaheim Hills saying, “I could have lost like this!” By the way, wasn’t Phil’s finally asking Jeanie to marry him just another punch in the gut to Laker fans? “See, Phil wants to be here!”
18. PORTLAND (18-15) Blazers getting it done with smoke and mirrors before and during games. (19) I wonder how current Blazers and former Clippers GM Neil Olshey feels right about now.
19. BOSTON (16-17) Time to break up the Big Three? Oh, right, they already did that. (15) When it’s all said and done, Jesus Shuttlesworth will have the last laugh at end of season.
20. PHILADELPHIA (15-20) Win over Lakers makes 76ers consider leaving Bynum behind more often. (20) Who?
NEXT TO THE BATHROOM IN ECONOMY
21. DALLAS (13-21) Coach Rick Carlisle needs to suspend whoever put this roster together. (22) If I were Carlisle, I’d polish up the old resume during All-Star break.
22. ORLANDO (12-21) Was all the fuss worth it given the plight of Dwight Howard’s current team? (21) Howard now knows how good he had it in O-Town.
23. PHOENIX (12-22) One franchise victory shy of 2,000, Suns may get there by season’s end. (23) Quick, name a Sun player. No peeking allowed.
24. TORONTO (12-21) Recent success mostly a function of soft pocket in schedule. (24) “Success”? Prove it!
25. SACRAMENTO (13-21) DeMarcus Cousins is calm one in Villanueva-Thomas dustup. (25) When DeMarcus Cousins is the “calm one” in any situation…
26. DETROIT (13-22) Pistons hope winning streak doesn’t go down as their season’s Final Four. (26) Isiah Thomas looks at Joe Dumars and says, “Why not me Lord, why not me?”
27. CHARLOTTE (8-24) Losing 19 of 20 games makes fans suddenly pine for last season. (27) Well, I’m sure as Michael Jordan gets back from ______________, he’ll take of this mess.
28. NEW ORLEANS (8-25) New nickname should be joined by new names on every jersey. (28) “Your New Orleans Perpetual Losers!”
29. CLEVELAND (8-27) Masked-man Kyrie Irving’s late heroics leave Bobcats feeling robbed. (29) Yeah, keep waiting for LeBron to come back. And while you’re waiting, write your letters to Santa too.
SEAT 44F WITH NO RECLINE
30. WASHINGTON (4-27) Wizards are 0-5 in OT and nearly as hopeless in regulation. (30) A dysfunctional team in a dysfunctional city. Just perfect.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


%d bloggers like this: