Saturday, January 5, 2013

Coming in April: “Spike Lee’s Jungle Fever Chained for Doing The Right Thing with Mo Better Blues in A School Daze Because She’s Gotta Have It from Malcolm X while Living In Crooklyn During A Red Hook Summer.”

Didn’t you just love how, less than an hour after addressing the nation and accepting the passage of the so-called Fiscal Cliff bill, Air Force One was “wheels up” at Joint Base Andrews and President Obama was headed back to Hawaii to rejoin his family on vacation? Well, I did.

Don’t think for the time that it takes Chris Christie to inhale a dozen glazed from Dunkin’ Donuts that he won’t forget John Boehner not taking or returning his calls this week, and that not only did the president take his calls, but gave him his private cell number AND put him on the phone with his hero Bruce Springsteen.

For Kobe Bryant haters, delicious is the irony of his saying “This is probably the best I’ve played in a while” as Lakers struggle to get above .500.

I got myself a right powerful hankering for some old-fashioned chicken livers and rice and dadgummit, that’s what I’m having for breakfast this morning.

I just realized something this week; I like arguing with people. It refreshes me.

If the “McRib” is real food, Sarah Palin is a member of MENSA.

If you had January 1 in the “When Will Kobe Start Bitching and Moaning Again” pool; winner, winner, chicken dinner!

If, and that’s still a very big if right now, reports are true that Lance Armstrong is considering admitting to doping during his career, look for things to get real damn ugly in a Mississippi minute.

Laker fans on the post-game radio show were this close to going out and playing on the 405 through the Sepulveda Pass after Friday night’s loss to the Clippers. They were flat-out HEE-LARIOUS. In no particular order, they wanted D’Antoni fired, Gasol traded, Jesus to heal Dwight Howard’s back RIGHT NOW and Kim and Kanye’s baby to be named Kobe if it’s a boy or Pau if it’s a girl.

Laker fans who thought Dwight Howard was just going to return from serious back surgery – is there really any other kind – and be the defensive force he was in Orlando, are now realizing that he’s probably never going to be the same player again. And if you don’t believe me, just Google the words Tracy McGrady and back surgery. Speaking of Laker fans…For me, this was the best exchange of Friday night between Lakers radio play-by-play radio announcer John Ireland and color analyst and former Laker Mychal Thompson at the end of the game. Keep in mind, this isn’t a “word-by-word” account, but it went something like this: Ireland – “Well Mychal, is there anything positive to take away from a loss like this?” Thompson: “No, not really.” Ireland (taken aback): “Really? Nothing at all?” Thompson: “Nope. Clippers got bored in the 2nd half and had some players in foul trouble. They scored quickly and easily when they wanted to and the Lakers couldn’t do anything about it.” Ireland: “Well, there must have been something good, right?” Thompson: “Lakers need an 8-10 game winning streak to show that they’re capable of being a good team and right now, I don’t see that happening anytime soon.” Silence. Ireland: “And we’ll be back on the Lakers radio network.” Priceless.

Representative Karen Bass (D-CA), during her virtual town hall meeting Thursday night, said that “When you look at Congress when it’s in session, one side of the aisle looks like America and the other side looks like America in the 1940s.”

Sadly, I knew this was just a matter of time before a photographer got killed chasing a celebrity for a picture. And you think this is going to change anything in this area, just wait until the craziness of the West/Kardashian offspring really heats up later this year.

Seriously, what’s love got to do with it anyway?

The GOP’s aversion to anything even remotely resembling the truth would be funny if it wasn’t so pathetically and patently sad.

Tom Selleck is absolutely stealing money on “Blue Bloods” (Friday nights on CBS)! All he does is stare at someone or off into the distance, grimace, sigh heavily and occasionally give out what is supposed to be advice or tell a story that everyone can learn from. I love it!

Why do I get the feeling that Chief Justice John Roberts will read the oath of office to President Obama this time around?


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