What We Learned From New Hampshire

We learned that despite four years of networking and near non-stop campaigning, Mitt “Suge” Romney couldn’t break 40% in a state next door to his home base of Massachusetts, a state that he also owns a vacation home in.

We learned that Rick “The Saint” Santorum was a flash in the pan and will continue his slow fade in homophobia and racial condescension.

We learned that Ron “Yosemite Sam” Paul ain’t going away anytime soon despite the fact that the only difference between his and your chance of winning the Republican nomination is that he’s actually running for it.

We learned that sanity, in this case, Jon “Puffy” Huntsman, has some appeal to the segment of the Republican Party still possessing functioning brain cells.

We also learned that Newt “Three Wives So Far” Gingrich and “Pretty Ricky” Perry are doubling down on getting below the Mason-Dixon Line where they can pander to the basest part of the GOP.


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