Tuesday, June 7, 2011


“I’m D-Wade, b***h!”

Santorum doomed by news cycle

“Thanks for coming Dad!”


5 QUESTIONS ON 2012 – The first real debate (read: debate featuring Mitt Romney) is just one week away. Here are our top five questions for the seven days ahead:

(1) When will an actual voter — not a reporter — ask Romney about Massachusetts health care? Just as soon as he actually sees one that hasn’t been carefully pre-screened and lobotomized.
(2) Will Tim Pawlenty say anything in his Tuesday economic speech that could be construed as a criticism of Romney, Romney’s record as governor, his private equity career or his privileged upbringing? Sadly, no.
(3) Is the status of Sarah Palin’s Fox contract being reconsidered? (If not, why not?) Because she’s ratings gold for them. However, as his eye roll and smirk clearly showed on Sunday, Chris Wallace thinks she’s a certified idiot.
(4) How many of the other GOP presidential candidates will Rick Santorum attack in his first week as a candidate? My over/under is 2 plus himself.
(5) Where in the world, literally, is Newt Gingrich? Gingrich found, between Greece and Turkey


Texas Gov. Rick Perry (R), who had played coy about a 2012 presidential run but did not seem to be seriously considering it, is now talking about the possibility with his biggest financial backers in Texas. If Palin doesn’t get in, he sees a path to the nomination. Makes no sense to some of the nation’s top Republicans, who think American has Texas fatigue, and who found Perry’s comments about Texas secession to be boneheaded. Perry is still more likely to challenge Jeb in 2016.

Herman Cain, being there

By Alexander Burns

Herman Cain took some heat a few weekends back, when he was clearly caught off guard by a “Fox News Sunday” question about the Israeli peace process (he didn’t seem to know what the “right of return” was.)

Now, in the new issue of National Review, John J. Miller takes stock of the Herman Cain phenomenon, finding that it’s not just Israel where the Cain policy portfolio is a little light. Here’s how Cain answered some of Miller’s fairly straightforward questions:

– On what he would have done better than George W. Bush: “I would have worked harder to pass personal retirement accounts … I would have tried to get Karen Hughes to stay on staff and not go back to Texas. She provided a great balance of advice with Karl Rove.”

– On Bush’s immigration plan: “I don’t recall what was in it.”

– On free trade agreements with Colombia, Panama and South Korea: “I don’t know the details.”

– On Libya: “I would have had a plan before it erupted … Not knowing what we knew, it’s difficult to say how I would have reacted.”

– On Afghanistan: “My foreign policy is not an instant-grits policy … As a successful businessman, I make decisions based on getting as many of the facts and as much of the advice as I can. Based on the input I receive, I’ll make a decision. Right now, without all of the facts, it’s irresponsible to announce a Cain plan.”

Miller concludes: “Conservatives are currently engaged in their own bit of intelligence-gathering, as Republican presidential candidates step forward and ask for support. Several of them are seen trying to articulate their understanding of U.S. interests and explain how they would lead the country. If Cain refuses to do the same, he may discover that his honeymoon with conservatives is a short one.”


PERRY WATCH – LIVING ON A (DAY OF) PRAYER – In yet another step toward the national spotlight, Texas Gov. Rick Perry has invited his fellow governors to participate in a “day of prayer and fasting on behalf of our troubled nation” this summer. The Dallas Morning News’s Wayne Slater reports: “A spokesman for the Republican governor said the Aug. 6 event in Houston will be nonpolitical, featuring religious leaders and others in a daylong session to pray for the country … Perry spokesman Mark Miner said the office had not yet heard from any governors who plan to attend. A handful whose aides responded to inquiries Friday by The Dallas Morning News were noncommittal or said they would not attend.” http://bit.ly/jwixISLet me be perfectly clear on this: I’ve got absolutely nothing against either prayer or fasting, but I’m not so sure that this is the way the nation’s governors should be spending their collective time. Why not call for a “National Day of Prayer and Fasting On Behalf of Our Troubled Nation? 

Katie Couric will have weekday talk show on ABC 

Warriors hire analyst Mark Jackson as next head coach

Player, Pastor, Analyst, and now Head Coach of the

Golden State Warriors, please show your love for Mark Jackson!


That clock you hear ticking is for Anthony Weiner’s political career. He’ll be out of office by the end of the week.

IF, Newton Leroy Gingrich’s campaign “strategy” was to 1) Piss off every other Republican by attacking Paul Ryan’s budget in general and his approach to restructure Medicare specifically, 2) Show how much more money you make than the average American by admitting to spending up to HALF A MILLION DOLLARS at Tiffany’s and 3) Disappear on “vacation” (allegedly an expensive Mediterranean cruise) and miss speaking in person to the Faith and Freedom Conference (a gathering of racists posing as religious patriots, but I digress) this past weekend, then I have to say that he’s off and running to the nomination!

Apparently Herman Cain has decided to see if he can bluff and bluster his way into the Republican nomination. While I don’t expect him, or any candidate for that matter, to know “everything” at this point, I do expect them to know something or at least be able to say more than “I don’t know.”

Sudden thought: a “dream” GOP ticket would be Sarah “History Revisionist” Palin and Herman “I Don’t Know” Cain.

So I’m watching Kathie Lee Gifford flirt (and kiss) her way through an appearance on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon on Monday when it hits me: once Frank Gifford is dead and buried and the what I assume are very hefty insurance checks have cleared the bank, she is going to cut loose and become the wildest cougar in the history of “Cougardom.”

Please God, I beg of you, don’t let the trailer be the best thing about Bad Teacher!

I guess I missed the memo, but can anyone tell me when “wingspan” became “length” in basketball?

I’m still a bit miffed (okay, pissed off) about some of the negative reaction to the Lakers’ hiring of Mike Brown as head coach. I mean, it’s not as if they hired a high-school coach like Notre Dame did many years ago when they hired Gerry Faust of Cincinnati’s Moeller High School to replace Dan Devine who had led the Irish to a national championship during his tenure.

I know Brian Shaw’s many supporters, especially columnist Bill Plaschke of the LA Times, will disagree, but there’s a very good reason – what, I’m not exactly sure of just yet – why he wasn’t hired by the Lakers to replace Phil Jackson and or the Rockets (Kevin McHale) or Warriors (Mark Jackson).

Speaking of Mark Jackson, the only bad thing about his being hired by the Warriors is that it breaks up one of the best and most entertaining announcing teams in recent years – Jackson, Mike Breen and the deceptively hee-larious Jeff Van Gundy. I just hope that somebody at ABC/ESPN is already hard at work putting together a Best Of highlight reel that will run after the last game of this year’s Finals.

What I Wrote About Shaquille O’Neal on 11/28/2010: “If there’s a more transparently insincere player in recent NBA history than Shaquille O’Neal, I don’t know who it can be. Every time he arrives in a new city, he professes his love for it and the team he’s coming to. A few weeks later, he tells us how bad his most recent team/city was and why he had to move on. Again. Then, soon after the inevitable blow-up/falling-out, he moves on – lumbering more and more with each passing year – ready to pledge his loyalty to a new city/team and knock the place and people he just left. There’s a part of me that wishes that the Klan had a team in Jackson, Mississippi that Shaq could get traded to just so we could see the “Shaq Circle of Never-Ending Bullshit” one last time – “I must say, that for a bunch of vile racists, these guys are the best ones I’ve ever played for and with. Sure, they may hate me and the rest of the black players on the team, but at least they’re honest about it.” It’s absolutely A-MAY-ZING that he continues getting with his one-of-a-kind BS.”

What I Wrote About Alvin Gentry on 11/21/2010: True story: I worked as an usher at Staples Center when Gentry “coached” the Clippers and one night, the Clips were up by 10 (I forget the opponent but it really doesn’t matter) with about 5 minutes to go in the game. There was a time-out and one of my regulars, “Persian Mike” (I called him that to differentiate him from “Black Mike”), was coming back from the restroom. The Clippers were in their huddle, Gentry was “clipboarding” his way throughout the timeout and Persian Mike said, with utter seriousness, “Look at Gentry. From here, you’d never know that he’s about to snatch defeat from victory.” We both laughed so hard, other fans started looking at us. Oh yeah, the Clippers lost. Be honest, you kind of knew that was coming. But, here’s the best part: as Persian Mike and the very lovely but sort of slutty in a classy Westside kind of way Mrs Persian Mike left the arena, he said to me, “Clipper basketball, it stinks but at least it’s not the WNBA. Yet.”

I remember the first time I read/heard about Lenny Dykstra being a so-called financial genius by CNBC’s Jim Cramer. I must have laughed non-stop for oh, 10-15 minutes. So, when this story Dykstra broke on Monday, I wasn’t surprised one iota. And, yes, I had another great fit of laughter.

If I’m the powers-that-be at The Ohio State University, I have to be cringing and whimpering in fear after seeing the BCS strip USC of their 2004 national championship.


How can LeBron James be better than Michael Jordan when he’s not even the best player on the Heat? I’m just saying… 




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