THE LONG-LOST SECRET BARACK OBAMA BIRTH TELEGRAM

Don’t ask me how I got my hands on it, but this is just one of the long-buried documents Donald Trump’s private investigators have uncovered that prove beyond a shadow of a doubt that Barack Obama isn’t a natural-born American citizen and therefore, ineligible to be president.

WESTERN UNION INTERNATIONAL TELEGRAM

August 4, 1961 – Nyanza Province, Kenya (Africa)

To: Mrs Madelyn Dunham 6085 Kalaniana’ole Highway, Honolulu Hawaii USA

Dear Mom  stop  Just had the baby in Barack’s mother’s hut   stop  Her name is Sarah  stop  It’s a boy and we named him Barack Hussein Obama II  stop  Barack Sr is outside with his fellow Muslims holding the baby up to the sky  stop  I think it’s some kind of traditional African ceremony  stop

I need you to do me a huge favor  stop  The baby has big ears and Sarah says that means he will grow up to be a leader  stop  So, I need you to place a birth announcement in both of the daily papers there in Honolulu saying that I had little Barack at the Kapi ‘ olani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital today  stop  My friend Trudy Aliphanavousky works in the Records Office and can get you the forms for a birth certificate  stop

Mom, this is important because little Barack may want to run for president someday and we need to create a paper trail that says he was born in America  stop  This way, after Al Gore creates the Internet (I’ll explain what that is later) and all the states digitize their long-form birth certificates, we’ll be ahead of the “birthers” and all their prying questions  stop

See you in a few months. Tell Daddy I love him  stop

Love, Stanley Ann  stop

THIS IS AN OFFICIAL WESTERN UNION INTERNATIONAL TELEGRAM TRANSMITTED VIA THE TRANS-PACIFIC CABLE UNDER THE WATER BETWEEN AFRICA AND HAWAII

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