Friday, February 4, 2011


“I have rarely heard anything like this on television in my life. Don’t hit ancient Babylon because that’s going to be the center of evil…what in hell is this man talking about?” – Chris Matthews On Glenn Beck: ‘What In Hell Is This Man Talking About?’ (VIDEO)


When Fidel Castro is saying your time is up, it’s probably time to fire up the presidential 747 for one last trip out of Egypt.

Don’t ever stop talking Ricky Boy Rick Santorum: I Would Eliminate The 9th Circuit Court Of Appeals because the more you do, the more Americans will find out just how bat-sh** crazy you really are. How a guy who lost his bid for re-election in 2006 by 59-41% (the largest margin of defeat for an incumbent Senator since 1980) after only one term (I guess it didn’t take the good people dwelling in the Commonwealth of Pennsylvania long to realize what an egregious mistake they had made in 2000) and hasn’t held an office since (unless you count the one in his house and I don’t), can have the unmitigated gall to even think he has a “I Voted For Michelle Bachmann Because Everyone Else Is Dead” chance in hell of winning even one poll, let alone an actual primary is beyond me. But hey, it’s one of the things that make this such a great country: a truly deranged person can dream the “Impossible Dream” and live to talk about it on Fox News for a check someday.

Why do I get the distinct feeling that Anderson Cooper has told his agent, “I don’t care about the money or anything like that. You get me the job replacing Regis or as God is my witness, if I survive this and get back to New York, I will hunt you down and trust me, you will never, ever walk or feed yourself again without help.” Oh, maybe this Anderson Cooper In Egypt: ‘I’m A Little Bit Scared’ (VIDEO) is the reason why.

I don’t know if Glenn Beck is the craziest “person” ever with national TV and radio shows, but it’s stuff like this Glenn Beck Stands By Egypt Caliphate Conspiracy Theory: ‘I’m Not Wrong’ (AUDIO) that lets me know that he’s no lower than Top Five.

Only John McCain can make a statement McCain’s endorsement: Don’t hold your breath that elicits both relief, “Thank you Jesus!”(from Republicans) and regret, “Oh no!” (from Democrats) at the same time.

I can’t be the only one who gets “creeped out” by the Just For Men ad with the two little girls are trying to fix up their dad with a date, right? And, is he a widower or just divorced? And, if he’s not a widower, how did he get custody of the kids? And, why do they even know what being a “good catch” is at their ages? And, what kind of father sends pictures of his dates to his kids of any age? AND, where the hell is their babysitter while Daddy’s out trying to get caught?

I’m not questioning the IQ of those Americans who night in and night out make Jay Leno their late-night talk show choice (actually I am ) but, I simply can’t stand to watch him for more than the time it takes for me to grab the remote and change the channel. He’s like Maze featuring Frankie Beverly; they both have three songs (jokes) that they just change the lyrics (punch lines) to and play (tell) over and over and over again. And again. And again. By the way, if you’re not watching or DVRing Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, shame on you! Yes, I’m talking to you.  

Would it be illegal or morally wrong to suggest that we (collectively) have both Charlie Sheen and Lindsay Lohan “put down” at the same time? Or can we at least make them date each other for a reality show?

Luckiest people ever in a band (tie):  Ringo Starr, the other two guys in the Black Eyed Peas and the tuba player (?) in The Roots.

Please, I beg of the people who run Hollywood, please find/give Jeff Bridges a role that doesn’t require him to stop shaving for more than three days in a row!

One great example of why the NFL’s system of “socialism” works: both the AP’s Player and Coach of the Year – Tom Brady and Bill Bellichick respectively – will be sitting at home (or somewhere) on Super Sunday.

We’ll know that NFL teams are taking the “Rooney Rule” (requires that minority candidates be interviewed for open head coach and GM positions) seriously when they start bringing more than one guy at a time when a job opens up.

Speaking of the NFL, I’m not saying it can’t happen but, constructing a new wing of the Los Angeles Convention Center, which would increase its size by 90,000 square feet, then demolishing the old West Hall and building a 64,00-seat retractable-roof stadium (expandable to 78,000 for Super Bowls and Final Fours), by early 2015 Farmers Field has big plans beyond just football seems awfully ambitious to me. But hey, maybe the folks at AEG are just echoing President Obama from his Sate of the Union speech last month when he said “We [Americans] do big things.”

From the “Chris Rock Wasn’t Available So We Booked His Less-Funny Brother Tony Instead” category: Bengals hire Jon Gruden’s brother Jay to lead offense  

When President Obama talks about America’s colleges not turning out the trained workforce for today’s global marketplace, I’m fairly certain that this isn’t what he had in mind – Cowboy Stadium Lap Dance — Dallas: WE NEED MORE SUPER BOWL STRIPPERS!!!  (Bill Clinton on the other hand…but I digress)  – I can remember a time in the not so distant past when America’s colleges and universities had many upstanding, talented, young women willing to work their way through college as “exotic dancers.” If you ask me, and admittedly, no one has, this is just another glaring and tragic example of how America’s youth have become lazy, uninspired and unwilling to grab hold of what I like to call “The Pole of Opportunity”. I bet if the SB was being played in China or India, young women would be pouring out of their halls of higher learning in order to take off skimpy clothing while gyrating in five and six-inch heels in front of drunk men for money.

Why didn’t I hear any of the cast of “The Game” interviewed on a single national sports talk radio show this week? ALL of the shows are in Dallas for the Super Bowl and it just seems to me that BET missed a huge opportunity to promote the show to a broader audience.


Because I’m a life-long AFL/AFC fan and because I’ve met and worked with some great people from Pittsburgh – James Tripp Haith, William E. Baker, Michael Keaton, Christina Aguillera and the late, great Maurice Lucas – I’m picking the Steelers led by head coach “Omar Tomlin” over the Packers 28-24.

Stay classy Andy Pettite.


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